Love and Respect
31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
~ Eph 5:31-33, ESV
Love and Respect
(Eph. 5:31-33)
Intro:
A. It is often quoted that 50 percent of all US marriages end in divorce. The problem is, that is not a correct statistic. In fact, it is reported that the divorce rate has been in decline since 1980. No matter what the number is, the marriage that matters is your marriage.
B. Many “surveys” of marriages that last longer than 30 years list things like “trust,” “communication,’ “Laughter,” and “intimacy” are aspects that help a marriage last. But on almost every list you find, two words often find their way to the top of why marriages last, “Love” and “Respect.”
C. I would add a third. The word I would add is Faith. I don’t mean faith in the other person, while that is also true, I mean a faith that both people have in God. When two people are joined in desiring to live a life that honors God, the likelihood of that marriage lasting increases higher than most other attributes. In part, because when two people honor God and desire to live according to God’s will, and not their own, that decision brings most of the other attributes mentioned into the marriage.
D. Last week we saw that love endures longer than faith and hope, that of the three, it is the greatest. Love is seen in many ways, but love in a marriage is the closest example we have of divine love. This morning, we want to bless the marriages in this room and look at love that godly married couples have.
I. Role Models
A. When you let your mind run through all the marriages we find in the Bible, looking for examples of great marriages and what made them great is more difficult than you may expect. I think of Noah and…his wife. I can only guess it was a marriage that was based upon God because outside of them and their married children, the rest of the world died in flood. But what made that marriage great?
B. My mind goes to earthly parents of Jesus. Joseph is a righteous man, Mary is favored by God above all other women, but when it comes to their marriage, we know very little. They raised Jesus going to the synagogue and attending the temple worship when they were supposed to, but their marriage, their relationship is no given to us.
C. One of the best that comes to my mind is Abraham and Sarah. We do know they loved each other deeply, but Abraham was willing to let her be taken by another man to save his own skin. Not exactly the role model I want to set before my boys.
D. I come to two conclusions: First, there is no perfect marriage to set yours up against. Let me just say, I am thankful I don’t have to compete with someone in the Bible for the title “Most Godly Marriage.” God helps me to understand that every marriage, even ones where both people love him, have their ups and downs, failures and achievements.
E. The second conclusion I come to is that the best role model for marriage is not a husband and wife. It is Christ and the church. The relationship between Jesus and the church is the mirror for having the best human marriage a man and woman can have. It’s that role model that shows us love and respect. In fact, our reading this morning speaks of a “great mystery” and at least part of that great mystery is the relationship between a husband and wife.
II. Husbands, Love
A. I want to center this lesson with two words found in verse 33 (Read the verse). Love and respect.
B. This month, as we reflect upon how love is taught in God’s word, we know that love in a marriage is the calling for a husband’s actions. I am no Elkanah who had a great love his wife Hannah, but put him up there high on my list of role models. I am not going to say Elkanah was clueless or that he didn’t appreciate all the hurt Hannah faced, but God specifically says the reason he gave a double portion of the sacrifice for Hannah was, “he loved Hannah.” (1 Sam. 1:5)
C. I get that he may have asked her the wrong questions or even said it in a bad way that made him look good instead of see her pain, but fact is, he loved her. When Hannah did have Samuel, Elkanah allowed her to stay home at the time of the sacrifice and simply said, “do what seems best to you.”
D. When God speaks through Paul in the book of Ephesians, we are taught that love by husband towards his wife should be like Jesus has towards the church. Love, in this example for husbands, is seen by giving up yourself so that your wife is blessed. I see text leading us see how the husband should be spiritual guide for the family, but how he wants so much for his wife to safe in the hands of Christ.
E. It’s a high bar that God set for us husbands. It’s easy to be self-centered, it’s more difficult to focus more on our wife than on our self. But that’s love.
III. Wives, Respect
A. The teaching that God gives to Paul about wives is summed up in the word “respect.” Men sometimes like to use the opening of the passage and talk about “obey” or “be subject to.” They are not evil words, but the summery word is “respect.” Love takes on many forms when trying to show it to our spouse. The example most often used in scripture is Sarah and her relationship to her husband Abraham. But be honest, Sarah was no “little woman” to be bossed around. Nor did Abraham appear to think that’s what love looked like. Instead, what we find in Sarah is a deep respect for husband.
B. Does that sometimes look like the word “obey” or the idea of “submission?” Yes. But it’s done because of love, not simply culture. Love is far more than emotion, but it is not devoid of emotion. So when God speaks about a wife’s way to connect to her husband he uses the teaching of the church and its connection to Christ.
C. I have no difficultly calling Jesus my Lord. I have no problem wanting to follow everything he teaches me. The reason why is because I know he loves me more than life itself. When I am that loved, respecting isn’t a command, it’s a response. To be loved deeply cause me to give myself over to the one in whom I trust.
Conclusion:
A. Love and respect. Two words that really end up doing the same thing. The reason why a marriage is a good marriage, is because two people know how to love and respect each other. They look to the example Christ and the church. They seek to both grow and give grace when the other fails. They keep Jesus as center and want more than anything else bring each other and their children to the throne of God.
B. May your marriage be blessed as you grow in your love and respect for each other. Let us pray.
Because of Jesus,
Jeffrey Dillinger, minister